Managing Difficult People with Clarity and Curiosity | Credit Union Training

Every miscommunication has a cost. For credit unions navigating the complexities of a multi-generational workforce, the price shows up in turnover, disengagement, and lost momentum. 

When Baby Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, and Gen Z bring distinct values and communication styles to the same table, misunderstandings don’t just happen – they’re practically guaranteed. But here’s the real leadership insight: What if “difficult” behavior isn’t the problem, but the symptom?

Reframing “Difficult” Behavior

Leaders must resist the temptation to label behavior without exploring its roots. A resistant employee may actually be the result of unclear expectations. A disengaged team member may be craving feedback. What we call “difficult” is often a reflection of unmet needs or mismatched communication and not malice.

Before casting judgment, ask:

• Have I communicated clearly?
• Have I been consistent in feedback?
• Am I seeing the whole person, or just one moment of frustration?

Recognizing the Seven Disruptive Traits

Research identifies seven behavioral patterns that disrupt team harmony:

• Callousness – Low empathy masks unseen stress.
• Grandiosity – A craving for validation, not arrogance.
• Aggressiveness – A defense mechanism, often born from insecurity.
• Suspiciousness – The armor of past betrayals.
• Manipulation – Control-seeking in uncertain environments.
• Domineering – A sign of fear, not just ego.
• Risk-taking – Impulsiveness over strategy.

Leaders who understand these patterns gain leverage. Effective leadership doesn’t start with control… it starts with curiosity. When tension rises, it’s a signal, not a verdict. 

Ask:

• What story am I telling myself about this person?
• Is this stress-related or systemic?
• What conversations haven’t happened yet?

Curiosity doesn’t excuse behavior. But it creates the space for transformation.

The Four Levels of Response

Your leadership toolkit should include the four Cs:

• Clarify – Restate roles, responsibilities, and timelines. Clarity is kindness.
• Coach – Provide context, support, and development pathways.
• Confront – When growth stalls, be direct with compassion and documentation.
• Conclude – Sometimes, clarity reveals misalignment. Don’t hesitate to make the hard call for the sake of the team’s mission.

Leading difficult people is part of the job, but done well, it becomes part of your legacy. Great leaders don’t avoid conflict; they navigate it with wisdom, empathy, and resolve. Your job isn’t to fix people. It’s to steward potential, guide behavior, and when necessary, make peace with tough transitions.